HCAR Drink Tasting: The Southern Bride

Hey, folks. I know Faux-Bee June usually writes up these drink thingees, but she’s off in the hills of Scotland collecting the heads of her enemies, so we drew straws and guess who got the short one? The hint is: he wears a mask and is me.

This week we had a gin drink called the Southern Bride. I thought maybe this meant it was 16 years old but it was actually 2/3 Gin, 1/3 grapefruit and a splash of Maraschino. Gin and grapefruit both prove to be pretty strong tastes, so we got some pretty strong opinions. Onwards.

Our roster:
Staff members Faux Bee, myself, Syrcls, and Rachel and frequent guests Meatball, Fraulein N, and The Pet sat around on a cold end-of-winter’s night and tried to enjoy life.
Generally folks didn’t like this drink. Every single contributor mentioned that it was too tart or bitter, and that gin and grapefruit just do not go well together, like peanut butter and knifestabs. Rachel felt that the drink was best suited for old ladies in Atlantic City, but Meatball put down a Johnny Ryan comic long enough to comment it was for Upper East Side Ladies. I felt it was more for sorority girls, and the Fraulein darkly commented more literally that it would be suited for “A woman getting married south of the Mason Dixon line.” So we basically thought it was for women of low taste.

When asked where and under what circumstance they pictured themselves having this drink, The Pet, Rachel, and Fraulein all flatly said they would never drink this. Syrcls allowed that if she were depressed and there was no Nyquil, she’d give it a whirl. Faux Bee would indulge if she were dating a fellow with a deep expense account. I was more lenient, thinking that on a hot summer’s day this might be a bit more pleasant.

On the subject of improving the drink, everyone mentioned some sort of replacement. Tossing the gin for vodka was a popular choice, but the Fraulein and I agreed that the grapefruit was the most offensive part. I thought maybe lemon juice and some sweetening agent would make this a pretty nice summer drink. Syrcls would improve it by “throwing it in the toilet.” She went on, “Dark chocolate beforehand probably made this even worse. Eww. Just eww.”

In conclusion, Ms. June donned her lab coat to tell us that grapefruit actually hinders the liver’s ability to process alcohol, so it’s basically the worst mixer of all time. I still hold to the belief that nuclear waste and razor blades are a worse mixer, but to each his own.
Sorry if I did this wrong. Faux Bee is better at it. Let’s hope the Quickening doesn’t drive her mad with power. Read more...

The Brown Derby Tasting

One of our more enjoyable tasks at the HCAR offices is cocktail tasting and testing. Recently, to bring a new life to the exploration we were sent a tattered copy of Patrick Gavin Duffy's The Standard Bartender's Guide by our sponsor and superior, Colonel J.R. Harmon. The drinks within hearken back to days when Galliano flowed the streets like gold, and requesting a Wild Turkey Mist with a Twist, would not yank forth looks of disdain from your bartender.

This week’s tasting was a small affair, and we decided to venture towards an area of drinking that not many of us were familiar with: Rum.

The Brown Derby.


Editor's Note: This drink is not actually in the book I loaned the young folks that staff this blog. I was deep in the midst of a conversation with the charming young Rachel whereupon she mentioned a time in which she drank a Brown Derby. I confirmed with her that it was, indeed, this drink, and it brought me back to another time. This drink was named after the famous Los Angeles location. I spent a few years in that torrid, horrid town doctoring movieplays, consulting with fat producers, and drinking whenever possible in order to rid myself of the awful malaise found everywhere in Hollywood. I was introduced to this drink by a young starlet who decency and history dare me not to name. I have always enjoyed it, and think fondly of her whenever I drink it. Here's to you, my dear, to all our failings and our triumphs. -- Colonel J.R. Harmon, Ret.

Tasting Roster:
The Masked Drinker
Ladyboy
Rachel
Sara
and
Faux-Bee June (your author)

Guests:
The Pet
Fräulein N

It should be noted that there is another cocktail that goes by the name of “The Brown Derby.” This is not that cocktail. This is this cocktail:

Two Ounces Dark Run
One Ounce Lime Juice
One Teaspoon Maple Syrup

As usual, we mixed a small number of cocktails and divvied them up into smaller rocks glasses for the tasting.

For the first time in an HCAR tasting, every single person agreed whole-heartedly that the drink in question was quite enjoyable, and would likely be enjoyed again and again. Among the characteristics that were unanimously agreed on: The smooth finish, and light (not overpowering) rum flavor. Three of (us, myself, the Masked Drinker and Fräulein N) ventured into the tasting with a bit of hesitation about sipping a rum based cocktail. We were all pleasantly surprised that the rum really did not impose itself, nor did it leave the syrupy aftertaste we dreaded, in fact the MD thought the rum added an agreeable “heartiness” .

Rachel noted that the lime and maple syrup complimented each other. Ladyboy agreed that “the maple and lime are alternately dominant.” Sara noted that it was “sweet, but not too sweet.” The Pet and I were equally charmed by the maple syrup aftertaste which was, once again, not too overpowering, and not at all (shockingly) “syrupy.”

We all agreed that the drink was likely to be enjoyed by a wide variety of drinkers, even those not normally given to ordering cocktails. Ladyboy felt that it is not a drink that “requires a particular drinking style or encourages specific associations,” and Sara said that “It’s a cocktail for someone who doesn’t normally order cocktails,” although it was widely accepted that a few would suffice, and the drink might not stand up as the only drink of the night, if one were in it for the long haul.

The tasters mentioned in equal numbers that The Brown Derby could be enjoyed in the summer, on the beach with a funny little umbrella in it, and in the winter, cozied up in front of a nice wood burning fire place with one of those zigzag afghans that your great aunt crotched.

The range of ideas for improvement ran from “my glass would be bigger” (Sara, echoed by the Pet) to the idea of a pork garnish, by the Masked Drinker. (His interest in savory garnishes might not have anything to do with the fact that he recently reported on the Bacon and Bourbon Expo.) I couldn’t come up with a bit more than a sprig of mint for improvement, although Fräulein N’s suggestion of a splash of soda water sounded like it might cut the sweetness just that much more to appease my palate. She also mentioned that she would like to try it with maple sugar instead of maple syrup, which was suggested in the recipe, although the syrup texture pleased her as well. On the maple angle, Rachel admitted that she had previously enjoyed the recipe “kick[ed] up at least 10 notches” with the use of “a special high grade maple syrup that was aged in bourbon barrels” which (while the HCAR offices don’t currently stock it) just might make the shopping list.

Ladyboy was interested in seeing if it would work as a warm cocktail, but we dissolved into round two before testing the hypothesis.

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Rachel's Style Profile: Tempranillo

Tempranillo is referred to as Spain’s “Noble Grape.”The word tempranillo literally means “little early one.”This seems quite appropriate considering the grape’s short growing season and early ripening tendency. With Spain being the world’s third largest producer of wine, Rioja being its most famous wine, and Tempranillo being the primary grape in Rioja, one can easily see the importance of this grape to Spanish winemakers. Tempranillo is grown primarily in the Rioja Alta and Ribera del Duero regions of Spain. Although traditionally Tempranillo is blended with other varietals such as Garnacha (Grenache), Mazuelo, and Graciano, recently we are seeing a surge of pure Tempranillo wines coming out of the woodwork. As its popularity increases, Tempranillo is now being grown in California, Australia, and South America.

What I love about Tempranillo is that when it’s pure, it’s BIG and BOLD. Think of it as Spain’s answer to Cabernet. Tempranillo is medium to full bodied and rich. You get hints of dark fruit, such as cherries and plums, tobacco, leather, strawberries, and herbs. Higher end Tempranillos are aged in oak barrels, so there’s often an oaky presence going on as well. Tempranillo is higher in acidity and lower in alcohol content.You can easily sip it just for the sake of enjoying its complexity, or it makes a great pairing with food. I think it makes an excellent companion to steak or lamb, and you can never go wrong with Tempranillo if you’re enjoying some traditional Spanish tapas.

So yeah, it may be cold--that kind of non-motivating, debilitating, couch ridden, order everything delivery, so as not to leave the house COLD, but there’s nothing like curling up on the couch with a big glass of wine and avoiding it all. Read more...

Rachel's Style Profile: Champagne

There are a couple notorious types of wine drinkers…

First you have “The Wine Snob.” This person is probably an elitist, vintage Bordeaux-sipping “connoisseur,” if you will. They probably have an extensive wine collection valued at an amount that could feed a small village. They probably own monogrammed decanters, and discuss wine with an air of self righteousness. They may also possibly wear ascots.

Then at the other end of the spectrum, you have “The Wino.” This person doesn’t care at all about vintages, varietals, etc. Bring on the box wine, the Yellowtail, and the 3 Buck Chuck. If its fermented grape juice of any sort—it’s good enough for them. Sadly, this person probably also drinks their wine with ice cubes floating in it.

Everyone else is somewhere in between. They drink wine because they enjoy drinking wine. They can appreciate a nice bottle of something when it comes around, but they won’t drop a week’s pay on it. They can also go to the local wine shop, find a $12 bottle, and be totally happy with it. They can talk about wine intelligently, without sounding like a pretentious asshole. They do not, however, drink White Zinfandel, the Kool-Aid of wine. (See “the Wino.”)

“What is the definition of a good wine? It should start and end with a smile.”

-William Sokolin

We at HCAR tend to agree, and we’ll be exploring the world of wine with this philosophy in mind. It’s never a bad idea to kick things off with a glass of champagne, so thus begins our first wine profile…

~Champagne~

Champagne is composed of any combination of 3 grapes: Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Meunier. For Champagne to be called Champagne, it must be produced in the Champagne region of France. Anything else is technically a “sparkling wine.” Different regions may have different names for their own brands of sparkling wine, such as Cava in Spain, and Asti Spumanti in Italy.

There are 4 types of Champagne—Brut, which is the standard “dry” champagne, Extra-dry is ironically less dry than a Brut. Then you have Sec, which is sweet, and Demi-sec, which is even sweeter. Champagne can be white or pink. Pink Champagne is made by leaving the grape skins to ferment in the liquid for a short while, whereas they are completely eliminated in the normal process.

Champagne is classified as being Vintage or Non-Vintage. Vintage champagne means that all the grapes within the champagne were harvested during a single year. Vintage champagne must be aged for 3 years, and in any given year Vintage Champagne accounts for only about 10-15% of the total champagne produced. Non-Vintage champagne on the other hand, accounts for the remaining 85-90%. This type is composed of grapes from several different vintages, as opposed to a single harvest. Non-Vintage champagne tends to be much less expensive than its counterpart, and is referred to as “Classic Champagne,” because it was the only type made during the first 150 years of Champagne production.

And how did Champagne come about in the first place? Legend has it that in the mid 1600’s the Benedictine monk, Don Pierre Pérignon accidentally invented champagne when experimenting with different forms of fermentation. “Come quickly, I am drinking the stars!” is the famous quote associated with the monk’s alleged discovery. Historians now credit English scientist, Christopher Merret with “inventing” champagne 30 years before Perignon. Perignon is credited, however, for refining the Méthode Champenoise, which is the secondary in-bottle fermentation process by which champagne is made.

The taste of Champagne varies widely depending on the maker, the soil, the age, and many other factors. Champagne can be sweet, dry, nutty, fruity, minerally, chalky, creamy---pretty much anything goes. When one hears the word “mousse” it refers to the appearance of the bubbles in the glass and the feeling that they leave on the palate.

And finally, a few random fun facts…

• A quarter of all Champagne sold every year is sold in the week between Christmas and New Year’s
• A cork can escape a bottle of sparkling wine at speeds of up to 40 mph.
• Legend has it that the traditional shallow champagne glass was modeled after wax molds of Marie Antoinette’s breasts.
• Champagne is traditionally used to christen ships on their maiden voyage by smashing a bottle over the ship’s hull. If the bottle doesn’t break, it is considered to be extremely bad luck.

~Happy Champagne drinking from HCAR~

Editor's note: Due to timing and technological complications it fell upon me, the Colonel, to place Rachel's writing upon the computer web. Fear not, the lovely redheaded oenophile and I are indeed separate entities, not some monstrous scientific abomination out of Victor Von Frankenstein's dream.

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